13) Feeling your way to nondual awakening
One of the most frequent misunderstandings is that nondual awakening is something that can be intellectually achieved. Instead, simply doing Ramana Maharshi's self-inquiry practice and letting go of attachments.
Advaita Vedanta alone was able to put at rest the highly-trained intellect searching for an understanding with a clear logical framework, subsequently, and increasingly validated by cognitive neuroscience.
Developing an internal sense of "feel" was the most critical skill in navigating the thousands of hours of practice. This internal "feel" for what was working, and what wasn't, and who really "knew", was vital as the process went through many teachers, teachings, disciplines and practices. The practices that manifested and the role that feeling played were:
a) Feeling the difference and extent of individual attachments, like my dog, car, job, kids, house, etc. Bringing them into consciousness and then feeling how strong their presence was and then when they weren't there, feeling their absence, to see just how great that attachment was. Following this by actively engaging them, and then letting go/surrendering them and feeling them fall away. Then when an attempt was made to re-engage them, feeling if anything remained for future "letting go".
Q: So really, there isn't a requirement to go deep into attachments like why you have them, where they come from and when was the first time you had them.
All you have to do is just feel that they're there and then let go, right?
A: Yes, that's correct. The analysis on why you have attachments, where they come from and when you first had them, is pointless as a way to get rid of them. You will never come to the end of them, never. The psychoanalysis is endless which is a good thing for psychologists, but not for their patients.
As Ramana Maharshi replied in his "Who Am I?",
Q: Is it necessary for one who longs for release to inquire into the nature of categories?
RM: Just as one who wants to throw away garbage has no need to analyse it and see what it is, so one who wants to know the Self has no need to count the number of categories or inquire into their characteristics; what he has to do is to reject altogether the categories that hide the Self."
The amazing thing, IME, was that we can just let go of our attachments, if we really want to. Feeling them, and then using the Sedona or Byron Katie approaches, to just let go of them...they fall away like a leaf out of your hand. It is still astonishing to watch it happen. They just go away...the bigger ones may be more complex, and require letting go of more elements as they manifest, but they just go away.)
b) Feeling the beginning and ending of each breath. Feeling the subtle end of the exhale and what it "went into", feeling that still space, and then sensing the faint beginning of the inhale. Then following the inhale to its end, feeling the still space, and then the beginning of the exhale, and following it down its length...
c) Feeling emotions, sensations, memories, stories and fears. Feeling how sticky, emotionally-charged and powerful they were as they arose in consciousness. Focusing on a particular memory or story and feeling what its energy and structure was, what its "one line summary" was, and what the entity was that had it. One sentence summary, like "My mother never really loved me" or "This relationship is hopeless", or "I'll never get a good job"...whatever is problematic.
Feeling where in the body-mind these emotions/stories/memories/fears were "held" and manifested. Moving the focus of attention "into" them, opening to them and allowing them to manifest fully. Feeling if there was a "message" there, or a story.
Then using the Sedona Method and Byron Katie approaches (Blogpost "Surrendering the 'I'; letting go of suffering") to focus attention on the "feel" of the letting go/surrendering of them. As the letting go/surrender occurred, feeling if it was connected to other related networks of stories, fears and memories "underneath", and then exploring and releasing them.
Byron Katie approaches:
Asked around our beliefs and stories:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
You then "turnaround" the belief to its exact opposite, and see if that is as likely to be true as the original belief.
Take some thoughts on a particular subject which are particularly problematic and "sticky", and create a one sentence summary, like "My mother never really loved me" or "This relationship is hopeless", or "I'll never get a good job"...whatever is problematic.
Ask "Is this true?". Consider that carefully.
Then ask "Can I be absolutely certain that it is true?"
Then ask "How do I feel when I have that story?"
Then ask "How would I feel if I didn't have that story?"
Then turn it around 180 degrees, i.e. "My mother always loved me." or "This relationship is not hopeless" or "This job will prepare me for a better job", and see if that is at least as true as the original story.
Then ask "Could I let go of this story? Yes, or No.
Then ask "Would I let go of this story? Does it serve me? Is it useful? Yes, or No.
Then ask "If I wouldn't let go of it now, when would I?
If we examine carefully and tactily whether they provide enough value to warrant our keeping them with the pain they cause, and find they don't, we can just let go of them and they can just fall away, like a leaf from our hands...
Interestingly, even if in the act of considering letting go of them, you give "No, No, Never" answers, they begin to lose their grip. The brain, comparing both options, has to entertain the sense of the alternatives, which it has very likely not done before. This makes the other option a "real" possibility, which it may decide is preferable, even if "you" don't. As virtually everyone who has gotten further down the path has reported, at some point as the "I"s are deconstructed, it is apparent that the brain is "running the show". It was all along, "we" just didn't recognize it.
The Sedona Method(by Lester Levenson):
1) Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling in this moment
2) Could you let it go?
3) Would you let it go?
4) When?
5) Repeat until you feel lighter, freer, happier, etc.
Byron Katie brings you into the feeling, now use Levenson's approach to let go of it.
The strongest, clearest tools I've discovered to reveal remaining attachments are:
a. Do you ever have any suffering?
b. Do you have any self-referential internal narrative?
Both point directly to attachments and an I/me/my that has them, which shows the need for further self-inquiry, and/or surrender/letting go. I have had many changes in "my life" that have given me the opportunity to test that understanding, but there's no way to know what lies ahead. It's an ongoing unfolding as awakening continues to deepen.
I do a guided meditation on this process around the letting go of final attachments as if one were "passing", and it has been very useful for some folk. The overarching thesis is, "" It can be a very profound process if they let go into it.
d) Feeling how a new modification, practice or sequence "fit" and whether it was adding, or subtracting, from the existing elements. Feeling the changes of a different affirmation, negation, chant, sitting posture, self-inquiry question or a different yoga posture or sequence.
After some time w/a given practice, feeling if it was still "working", or if it had become "flat" and "lifeless". Then if it had become flat, feeling whether it was the ego/I making up some story to get rid of it, or if the practice had done all of the useful work it could do, and a next step or a new approach was needed.
e) Feeling every aspect of chanting. Where it came from, where it went to, the space it occupied and was surrounded by, and what remained after it ended. Feeling the energy change in body-mind during and after the chant.
f) Feeling the energy and stickiness of thoughts. Seeing if they were sticking together, if they were in longer or shorter strings, if the subject frequently changed, or if their number was decreasing. Feeling if they were I/me/my thoughts, and whether they were about the past and future.
Watching carefully where thoughts came from, and where they went to and who thought them up. Feeling their arising so carefully and closely that they actually stopped, almost like a Heisenberg uncertainty event in physics.
g) Feeling if the subject and the object of a bhakti/devotional practice were One or two, nondual or dual. The old Indian saying is "I don't want to become sugar, i want to taste sugar". However, the exact opposite is what is critical for nondual awakening, i.e. the subject and object need to dissolve into, merge with each other.
Could the object of the bhakti/devotion fully enter and displace the "me" that felt it was the body-mind? Was there even a trace of anything resisting this? If so, where/what was it?
Working with different objects, perhaps even "non-religious" ones, like trees, flowers, oceans and mountains, etc. could any distinction from them dissolve? Could any resistance to this dissolution be felt?
h) Feeling for the nature, substance and location of the subject/watcher. Could I "stand" on the objects being perceived and look back at what had been the subject/watcher, and feel into what/where that subject had been, like feeling one's way into a dark cave?
i) Feeling if the "I"s that manifested were the same or different as situations, functions and relationships changed during the day. Feeling the differences in the sensation of the "I"s that manifested ad-hoc. Feeling them as hundreds or thousands of "I"s.
As the many "I"s became dissociated in the "When am I?" practice, feeling them as mere blips on the great ocean of Stillness and Presence. Feeling it so closely and carefully that they disappeared into the Stillness.
Feeling so completely and carefully when an "I" was beginning to manifest that it just didn't manifest.
j) Feeling what changed, and what didn't, in manifestations in consciousness. Feeling how it would be to always be part of what changed, or to be within that which didn't change.
Sources:
Q&A
"Unhooking the 'I'" can be an excellent way to allow those inspirations, insights, and "just the right word" in your writing to manifest, almost magically, from "offline".
Q1) Hi Gary. Is this a testimony to the power of consciousness then? Feeling things consciously has an impact? I think I remember you saying that most of the work is done offline (unconscious). Can you share a little on those points?
A1) That is one of the most amazing things in this work, i.e. that "feeling things consciously has an impact". I was just astonished that just feeling closely, carefully and with great curiosity into major emotions, sensations, stories, attachments, fears and memories would so dramatically change their energy and presence.
The almost immediate and direct response of the brain to learning that "we" really didn't care about something, so it could be just let go of, results in it disappearing, was almost "too good to be true".
It turns out that these stories, memories, fears, etc. aren't written on some stone tablet somewhere to be preserved for posterity. They are there only because the brain believed they had some protective value for the body-mind to prevent something "bad" or "painful" from happening again. As it turns out those old stories, memories and fears are continuously running in some part of the processor affecting "us".
If we look at them, we can see that they are for situations that no longer exist or that will never manifest in the same way again, so they have no real value. They also require a great deal of energy, generate many bad feelings, suffering and anxiety, and well as requiring a lot of neural real estate to maintain.
It is a great gift from the Universe, and a key skill/tool to reduce our suffering.
Q2) How does one watch / become aware of as to where thoughts originate and end ?
A2) Re thoughts, just watch them the way a frog watches for flies, or a cat for a mouse, just be aware of how they behave and what they are like. It is hard initially to see where thoughts come from as they are so "fast and furious".
Focus on a particular thought which isn't too emotionally-charged or "sticky". Just see what happens to it. Follow it carefully until it ends. It doesn't last forever as it is soon replaced by another one, but where does it go?
It is much easier to focus on where the breath goes to, as it is less "sticky" than thoughts are. Just "feel" the breath and then "feel" the exhale as it gets finer and finer towards the end and "feel" what is there when it disappears.
It may take some time to develop this sense of "feel" for when a thought is there and then isn't...try it with emotional memories that you can call into consciousness and then focus on something else...do it several times to get a "feel" for that sensation.
It will become very important, as the post discusses, to develop that intuitive feel as it will guide you Home.
Q3) When you say "try it with emotional memories that you can call into consciousness and then focus on something else...do it several times to get a "feel" for that sensation. " does it mean that I can try recollecting say some childhood memories and once I get a feel of it try so shift attention to some other thought so that old memory disappears and then do this exercise of recollection and replacing with another thought few more times.
A3) Yes. that's correct. If you can get a relatively quiet space, like following the breath and then bring up some old memory and get a feel for it, and then go "back and forth", to the breath, and then back to the old memory, etc., it will show you total sensation contained in that memory.
It also works between two different memories, or thoughts, to see the difference. The quieter the "comparison" point is, the clearer it will be to see just what energy is tied up in the problematic memory.
Q4) When I wander onto a thought or set of thoughts I am not aware in fact I is lost in that but its only thought. When I comes back to awareness as being aware of ones breadth then I realise I was lost in thoughts and even that realisation is a thought !
One more doubt I have is, when I am engrossed into somethings say very interesting programme or a scene on TV then for a few secs I is lost and when I come back to awareness then do not know how those few secs went past. Where as sometimes I consciously watch the breadth and do some work there are no thoughts either the attention is on the work or the breadth.
A4) The difference is the dance between two different neural circuits "blah, blah" and "tasking" which are generally controlled by a third circuit, "control". (the "blah, blah" is typically called the default mode network)
When you get engrossed in something, whether it's the breath, awareness, an interesting programme on TV, etc., the brain moves into the tasking circuit, and away from the "blah, blah" circuit as the control circuit recognizes there is focusing on some task so it makes that shift.
If you lose interest in the programme, breath, awareness, etc. then the brain moves from the tasking network, since you aren't focusing on something any more, back into the "blah, blah" circuit, which is its default setting if you aren't doing anything, to wait for its next task.
What this work is about is changing how and when that default "blah,blah" network operates. If you deconstruct the ego/I, then when the DMN manifests it is just quiet and still, not endlessly chattering.
Q5) Finding it difficult to check where thoughts come from or go. As when thought is there there is no "awareness" in other words, do not realize that I am "in thought" as there is no one to see or check it. When one comes out of thought for a brief "awareness" then another thought comes to replay what was the thinking before... Thought fully takes over the "awareness" so how do one observe thoughts source or ending ...
A5) If you are able to talk about your thoughts, you must be aware of them when they are there. If they "shut down" awareness, you would never know that you had such a thing as thoughts. Just watch what occurs in your consciousness...for most folk they are aware that there are sensations, emotions, breath, thoughts, etc.
It is difficult to catch the beginning and/or end of individual thoughts as they are so fast, and for most folk, there are lots of them continually arriving on the scene. That is why we focus first on the breath as a place to learn about this looking where they come from and where they go to.
Just watch your breath, and start with seeing where it goes when the exhale ends. If you watch carefully, then you can catch the beginning of the next breath as the next inhale starts. See if you can see this space between the end of an exhale and the beginning of the next inhale...feel what the exhale feels like when it ends, and what the next inhale feels like when it begins. It is a great place to learn this "feeling" process.
Q6) Love the concept of feeling your way Home while also remembering the possibility of fooling yourself. Until a couple of years ago, my trust in the feel was not so strong, and I was always very cautious in favor of not fooling myself, e.g. not falling in too quickly with a particular teacher. It has been interesting to experience that a couple of sudden shifts due to meditation brought leaps in my confidence in following the Feel. It was interesting to me because it didn't follow the old ordering principle of having proved I could be trusted, it was more like something in the way of trusting the Feel was simply removed. Now it seems pretty easy most of the time to notice where I need to go next, and the Feel is also allowing me to worry less about fooling myself because I find people I trust for honest feedback. My "I" does show up with fear and self-doubt; your writing and videos are helpful at such times. What was your experience like? Did you have leaps of progress in understanding that the Feel was directing you Home? I am trying now to "feel" my way into getting more direct guidance, but I don't know what guidance I need. I am just drawn to ask questions of many people and listen to the answers, and continue my practice until something else presents itself.
A6) Great work on developing trust in "Feeling" your way forward...it is critical for success in this process. I used it, and still use it, throughout my process and practices (and life). The more that I surrendered to it, the more I had the clear feeling that it was "directing me Home".
If you are interested in moving the process forward, as long as there is a "self", a process is necessary to remove it, even if it seemingly uses the "self" to do it. The only way this works is to trick the "self" into participating and initiating the process.
Eventually the ego/I will begin to see the threat in this and will resist strongly, and it will be necessary to keep shifting the approach as it learns, belatedly, how to counter each one. Eventually it gets weakened by each approach and the brain ultimately takes over from the scattered remnants of the ego/I and does the rest "all by itself".
The self-inquiry process, using "Where am I?" etc. accompanied with some approaches to let go of attachments, is what you use.
If you haven't gotten a copy of my book, Happiness Beyond Thought (free download link available), do so, and read it. Then go to the video "NonDual Awakening Meditation - Where am I?" and its four sister "NonDual Awakening Meditation...." videos and do those guided meditations. Also look @ the blogpost "Letting go of your attachments to awaken" and apply those processes to any stories, or attachments you have.
If you look under "Show more" in any of those videos, you'll see links to lots of other resources. After you've started meditating, let me know when you have some questions.
One of the most frequent misunderstandings is that nondual awakening is something that can be intellectually achieved. Instead, simply doing Ramana Maharshi's self-inquiry practice and letting go of attachments.
Advaita Vedanta alone was able to put at rest the highly-trained intellect searching for an understanding with a clear logical framework, subsequently, and increasingly validated by cognitive neuroscience.
Developing an internal sense of "feel" was the most critical skill in navigating the thousands of hours of practice. This internal "feel" for what was working, and what wasn't, and who really "knew", was vital as the process went through many teachers, teachings, disciplines and practices. The practices that manifested and the role that feeling played were:
a) Feeling the difference and extent of individual attachments, like my dog, car, job, kids, house, etc. Bringing them into consciousness and then feeling how strong their presence was and then when they weren't there, feeling their absence, to see just how great that attachment was. Following this by actively engaging them, and then letting go/surrendering them and feeling them fall away. Then when an attempt was made to re-engage them, feeling if anything remained for future "letting go".
Q: So really, there isn't a requirement to go deep into attachments like why you have them, where they come from and when was the first time you had them.
All you have to do is just feel that they're there and then let go, right?
A: Yes, that's correct. The analysis on why you have attachments, where they come from and when you first had them, is pointless as a way to get rid of them. You will never come to the end of them, never. The psychoanalysis is endless which is a good thing for psychologists, but not for their patients.
As Ramana Maharshi replied in his "Who Am I?",
Q: Is it necessary for one who longs for release to inquire into the nature of categories?
RM: Just as one who wants to throw away garbage has no need to analyse it and see what it is, so one who wants to know the Self has no need to count the number of categories or inquire into their characteristics; what he has to do is to reject altogether the categories that hide the Self."
The amazing thing, IME, was that we can just let go of our attachments, if we really want to. Feeling them, and then using the Sedona or Byron Katie approaches, to just let go of them...they fall away like a leaf out of your hand. It is still astonishing to watch it happen. They just go away...the bigger ones may be more complex, and require letting go of more elements as they manifest, but they just go away.)
b) Feeling the beginning and ending of each breath. Feeling the subtle end of the exhale and what it "went into", feeling that still space, and then sensing the faint beginning of the inhale. Then following the inhale to its end, feeling the still space, and then the beginning of the exhale, and following it down its length...
c) Feeling emotions, sensations, memories, stories and fears. Feeling how sticky, emotionally-charged and powerful they were as they arose in consciousness. Focusing on a particular memory or story and feeling what its energy and structure was, what its "one line summary" was, and what the entity was that had it. One sentence summary, like "My mother never really loved me" or "This relationship is hopeless", or "I'll never get a good job"...whatever is problematic.
Feeling where in the body-mind these emotions/stories/memories/fears were "held" and manifested. Moving the focus of attention "into" them, opening to them and allowing them to manifest fully. Feeling if there was a "message" there, or a story.
Then using the Sedona Method and Byron Katie approaches (Blogpost "Surrendering the 'I'; letting go of suffering") to focus attention on the "feel" of the letting go/surrendering of them. As the letting go/surrender occurred, feeling if it was connected to other related networks of stories, fears and memories "underneath", and then exploring and releasing them.
Byron Katie approaches:
Asked around our beliefs and stories:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
You then "turnaround" the belief to its exact opposite, and see if that is as likely to be true as the original belief.
Take some thoughts on a particular subject which are particularly problematic and "sticky", and create a one sentence summary, like "My mother never really loved me" or "This relationship is hopeless", or "I'll never get a good job"...whatever is problematic.
Ask "Is this true?". Consider that carefully.
Then ask "Can I be absolutely certain that it is true?"
Then ask "How do I feel when I have that story?"
Then ask "How would I feel if I didn't have that story?"
Then turn it around 180 degrees, i.e. "My mother always loved me." or "This relationship is not hopeless" or "This job will prepare me for a better job", and see if that is at least as true as the original story.
Then ask "Could I let go of this story? Yes, or No.
Then ask "Would I let go of this story? Does it serve me? Is it useful? Yes, or No.
Then ask "If I wouldn't let go of it now, when would I?
If we examine carefully and tactily whether they provide enough value to warrant our keeping them with the pain they cause, and find they don't, we can just let go of them and they can just fall away, like a leaf from our hands...
Interestingly, even if in the act of considering letting go of them, you give "No, No, Never" answers, they begin to lose their grip. The brain, comparing both options, has to entertain the sense of the alternatives, which it has very likely not done before. This makes the other option a "real" possibility, which it may decide is preferable, even if "you" don't. As virtually everyone who has gotten further down the path has reported, at some point as the "I"s are deconstructed, it is apparent that the brain is "running the show". It was all along, "we" just didn't recognize it.
The Sedona Method(by Lester Levenson):
1) Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling in this moment
2) Could you let it go?
3) Would you let it go?
4) When?
5) Repeat until you feel lighter, freer, happier, etc.
Byron Katie brings you into the feeling, now use Levenson's approach to let go of it.
The strongest, clearest tools I've discovered to reveal remaining attachments are:
a. Do you ever have any suffering?
b. Do you have any self-referential internal narrative?
Both point directly to attachments and an I/me/my that has them, which shows the need for further self-inquiry, and/or surrender/letting go. I have had many changes in "my life" that have given me the opportunity to test that understanding, but there's no way to know what lies ahead. It's an ongoing unfolding as awakening continues to deepen.
I do a guided meditation on this process around the letting go of final attachments as if one were "passing", and it has been very useful for some folk. The overarching thesis is, "" It can be a very profound process if they let go into it.
d) Feeling how a new modification, practice or sequence "fit" and whether it was adding, or subtracting, from the existing elements. Feeling the changes of a different affirmation, negation, chant, sitting posture, self-inquiry question or a different yoga posture or sequence.
After some time w/a given practice, feeling if it was still "working", or if it had become "flat" and "lifeless". Then if it had become flat, feeling whether it was the ego/I making up some story to get rid of it, or if the practice had done all of the useful work it could do, and a next step or a new approach was needed.
e) Feeling every aspect of chanting. Where it came from, where it went to, the space it occupied and was surrounded by, and what remained after it ended. Feeling the energy change in body-mind during and after the chant.
f) Feeling the energy and stickiness of thoughts. Seeing if they were sticking together, if they were in longer or shorter strings, if the subject frequently changed, or if their number was decreasing. Feeling if they were I/me/my thoughts, and whether they were about the past and future.
Watching carefully where thoughts came from, and where they went to and who thought them up. Feeling their arising so carefully and closely that they actually stopped, almost like a Heisenberg uncertainty event in physics.
g) Feeling if the subject and the object of a bhakti/devotional practice were One or two, nondual or dual. The old Indian saying is "I don't want to become sugar, i want to taste sugar". However, the exact opposite is what is critical for nondual awakening, i.e. the subject and object need to dissolve into, merge with each other.
Could the object of the bhakti/devotion fully enter and displace the "me" that felt it was the body-mind? Was there even a trace of anything resisting this? If so, where/what was it?
Working with different objects, perhaps even "non-religious" ones, like trees, flowers, oceans and mountains, etc. could any distinction from them dissolve? Could any resistance to this dissolution be felt?
h) Feeling for the nature, substance and location of the subject/watcher. Could I "stand" on the objects being perceived and look back at what had been the subject/watcher, and feel into what/where that subject had been, like feeling one's way into a dark cave?
i) Feeling if the "I"s that manifested were the same or different as situations, functions and relationships changed during the day. Feeling the differences in the sensation of the "I"s that manifested ad-hoc. Feeling them as hundreds or thousands of "I"s.
As the many "I"s became dissociated in the "When am I?" practice, feeling them as mere blips on the great ocean of Stillness and Presence. Feeling it so closely and carefully that they disappeared into the Stillness.
Feeling so completely and carefully when an "I" was beginning to manifest that it just didn't manifest.
j) Feeling what changed, and what didn't, in manifestations in consciousness. Feeling how it would be to always be part of what changed, or to be within that which didn't change.
Sources:
- Feeling your way to nondual awakening...
- Surrendering the "I", letting go of suffering
- Letting go of your attachments to awaken...why/how/when
Q&A
"Unhooking the 'I'" can be an excellent way to allow those inspirations, insights, and "just the right word" in your writing to manifest, almost magically, from "offline".
Q1) Hi Gary. Is this a testimony to the power of consciousness then? Feeling things consciously has an impact? I think I remember you saying that most of the work is done offline (unconscious). Can you share a little on those points?
A1) That is one of the most amazing things in this work, i.e. that "feeling things consciously has an impact". I was just astonished that just feeling closely, carefully and with great curiosity into major emotions, sensations, stories, attachments, fears and memories would so dramatically change their energy and presence.
The almost immediate and direct response of the brain to learning that "we" really didn't care about something, so it could be just let go of, results in it disappearing, was almost "too good to be true".
It turns out that these stories, memories, fears, etc. aren't written on some stone tablet somewhere to be preserved for posterity. They are there only because the brain believed they had some protective value for the body-mind to prevent something "bad" or "painful" from happening again. As it turns out those old stories, memories and fears are continuously running in some part of the processor affecting "us".
If we look at them, we can see that they are for situations that no longer exist or that will never manifest in the same way again, so they have no real value. They also require a great deal of energy, generate many bad feelings, suffering and anxiety, and well as requiring a lot of neural real estate to maintain.
It is a great gift from the Universe, and a key skill/tool to reduce our suffering.
Q2) How does one watch / become aware of as to where thoughts originate and end ?
A2) Re thoughts, just watch them the way a frog watches for flies, or a cat for a mouse, just be aware of how they behave and what they are like. It is hard initially to see where thoughts come from as they are so "fast and furious".
Focus on a particular thought which isn't too emotionally-charged or "sticky". Just see what happens to it. Follow it carefully until it ends. It doesn't last forever as it is soon replaced by another one, but where does it go?
It is much easier to focus on where the breath goes to, as it is less "sticky" than thoughts are. Just "feel" the breath and then "feel" the exhale as it gets finer and finer towards the end and "feel" what is there when it disappears.
It may take some time to develop this sense of "feel" for when a thought is there and then isn't...try it with emotional memories that you can call into consciousness and then focus on something else...do it several times to get a "feel" for that sensation.
It will become very important, as the post discusses, to develop that intuitive feel as it will guide you Home.
Q3) When you say "try it with emotional memories that you can call into consciousness and then focus on something else...do it several times to get a "feel" for that sensation. " does it mean that I can try recollecting say some childhood memories and once I get a feel of it try so shift attention to some other thought so that old memory disappears and then do this exercise of recollection and replacing with another thought few more times.
A3) Yes. that's correct. If you can get a relatively quiet space, like following the breath and then bring up some old memory and get a feel for it, and then go "back and forth", to the breath, and then back to the old memory, etc., it will show you total sensation contained in that memory.
It also works between two different memories, or thoughts, to see the difference. The quieter the "comparison" point is, the clearer it will be to see just what energy is tied up in the problematic memory.
Q4) When I wander onto a thought or set of thoughts I am not aware in fact I is lost in that but its only thought. When I comes back to awareness as being aware of ones breadth then I realise I was lost in thoughts and even that realisation is a thought !
One more doubt I have is, when I am engrossed into somethings say very interesting programme or a scene on TV then for a few secs I is lost and when I come back to awareness then do not know how those few secs went past. Where as sometimes I consciously watch the breadth and do some work there are no thoughts either the attention is on the work or the breadth.
A4) The difference is the dance between two different neural circuits "blah, blah" and "tasking" which are generally controlled by a third circuit, "control". (the "blah, blah" is typically called the default mode network)
When you get engrossed in something, whether it's the breath, awareness, an interesting programme on TV, etc., the brain moves into the tasking circuit, and away from the "blah, blah" circuit as the control circuit recognizes there is focusing on some task so it makes that shift.
If you lose interest in the programme, breath, awareness, etc. then the brain moves from the tasking network, since you aren't focusing on something any more, back into the "blah, blah" circuit, which is its default setting if you aren't doing anything, to wait for its next task.
What this work is about is changing how and when that default "blah,blah" network operates. If you deconstruct the ego/I, then when the DMN manifests it is just quiet and still, not endlessly chattering.
Q5) Finding it difficult to check where thoughts come from or go. As when thought is there there is no "awareness" in other words, do not realize that I am "in thought" as there is no one to see or check it. When one comes out of thought for a brief "awareness" then another thought comes to replay what was the thinking before... Thought fully takes over the "awareness" so how do one observe thoughts source or ending ...
A5) If you are able to talk about your thoughts, you must be aware of them when they are there. If they "shut down" awareness, you would never know that you had such a thing as thoughts. Just watch what occurs in your consciousness...for most folk they are aware that there are sensations, emotions, breath, thoughts, etc.
It is difficult to catch the beginning and/or end of individual thoughts as they are so fast, and for most folk, there are lots of them continually arriving on the scene. That is why we focus first on the breath as a place to learn about this looking where they come from and where they go to.
Just watch your breath, and start with seeing where it goes when the exhale ends. If you watch carefully, then you can catch the beginning of the next breath as the next inhale starts. See if you can see this space between the end of an exhale and the beginning of the next inhale...feel what the exhale feels like when it ends, and what the next inhale feels like when it begins. It is a great place to learn this "feeling" process.
Q6) Love the concept of feeling your way Home while also remembering the possibility of fooling yourself. Until a couple of years ago, my trust in the feel was not so strong, and I was always very cautious in favor of not fooling myself, e.g. not falling in too quickly with a particular teacher. It has been interesting to experience that a couple of sudden shifts due to meditation brought leaps in my confidence in following the Feel. It was interesting to me because it didn't follow the old ordering principle of having proved I could be trusted, it was more like something in the way of trusting the Feel was simply removed. Now it seems pretty easy most of the time to notice where I need to go next, and the Feel is also allowing me to worry less about fooling myself because I find people I trust for honest feedback. My "I" does show up with fear and self-doubt; your writing and videos are helpful at such times. What was your experience like? Did you have leaps of progress in understanding that the Feel was directing you Home? I am trying now to "feel" my way into getting more direct guidance, but I don't know what guidance I need. I am just drawn to ask questions of many people and listen to the answers, and continue my practice until something else presents itself.
A6) Great work on developing trust in "Feeling" your way forward...it is critical for success in this process. I used it, and still use it, throughout my process and practices (and life). The more that I surrendered to it, the more I had the clear feeling that it was "directing me Home".
If you are interested in moving the process forward, as long as there is a "self", a process is necessary to remove it, even if it seemingly uses the "self" to do it. The only way this works is to trick the "self" into participating and initiating the process.
Eventually the ego/I will begin to see the threat in this and will resist strongly, and it will be necessary to keep shifting the approach as it learns, belatedly, how to counter each one. Eventually it gets weakened by each approach and the brain ultimately takes over from the scattered remnants of the ego/I and does the rest "all by itself".
The self-inquiry process, using "Where am I?" etc. accompanied with some approaches to let go of attachments, is what you use.
If you haven't gotten a copy of my book, Happiness Beyond Thought (free download link available), do so, and read it. Then go to the video "NonDual Awakening Meditation - Where am I?" and its four sister "NonDual Awakening Meditation...." videos and do those guided meditations. Also look @ the blogpost "Letting go of your attachments to awaken" and apply those processes to any stories, or attachments you have.
If you look under "Show more" in any of those videos, you'll see links to lots of other resources. After you've started meditating, let me know when you have some questions.